


Call You Mine

by CarpeNoctemxx



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Light Angst, Post Graduation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:08:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24082600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarpeNoctemxx/pseuds/CarpeNoctemxx
Summary: Clarke left after graduation and tonight is the first time she's been back in two years. She's ready to catch up with old friends and enjoy the weekend...No one told her that her ex was going to be there.Rating for language and potential future chapters.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, John Murphy/Raven Reyes
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	Call You Mine

**Author's Note:**

> I've been reminiscing of my good old days in college and listening to too many break up songs. Based off of 'Call You Mine' by The Chainsmokers.

Up or down? Clarke bunched her blonde hair on top of her head in what would be a messy bun, immediately made a face and let it fall back down. Maybe a hybrid of both? At that thought, she gathered half of her hair and examined her reflection in the mirror. 

Meh. She let her hair fall back down around her shoulders.

“Guess what time it is?!” Raven pushed the door open with her hip since her hands were full with two double shot glasses in  _ each _ hand.

“Raven… Maybe we should not go so hard tonight? It’s only the beginning of the weekend,” Clarke explained.

“Nuh uh! I do not- do not…” Raven took a long pause. It was obvious her and Murphy had already taken a few shots. “Do not! Do not want to hear it! It’s a three day weekend and you never visit. Don’t act like I didn’t tell you how this was gonna go.”

Clarke smiled and rolled her eyes. It had been two years since they had graduated from Arkadia University, her dad’s alma mater, and two years since she had been back to the East Coast. Raven and Clark had been roommates since freshman year and best friends since then even with that awkward bit where they were dating the same guy. Funny, they couldn’t barely remember his name now.

“Ugh okay. Fuck it. Guess we’re blacking out tonight.” Clarke reached for two of the shot glasses, sniffed the contents of one of them and grimaced. “Please don’t tell me this is-”

“-the cheapest and  _ strongest _ tequila I could find? Why, yes my friend. It is.” Raven replied with a smile. They tapped their glasses together, slammed them down on the dresser and knocked them back. Clarke held down a gag and stuck out her tongue.

“Fuck me Raven, never again!” She shut her eyes tight and shook her head.

Having barely made a face, Raven replied, “Ah, come on. Don’t be such a baby. Eventually, you don’t really taste it.” She began to raise the second glass to her lips before Clarke stopped her.

“Oh hell no. I am not doing that again without a lime or something.” They made their way to the kitchen of Raven’s apartment where they found Murphy mixing margaritas.

“Did I hear something about you trying to fuck my girlfriend in there?” Murphy asked without looking up.

“Sure, that’s exactly what you heard, Murphy.” Clarke chuckled.

The relationship was definitely one that took some getting used to. Since she met Raven, Clarke has seen her date a myriad of men but Murphy was something… different. They had only been  seeing each other for a couple of months but he was basically living with her. When Clarke received the text from Raven that she had slept with the hot bartender from the bar they used to frequent in college, Clarke was shocked. Raven had only just broken up with her longtime boyfriend, Shaw. But what started out as a few hookups a year ago was now a fully committed relationship. Murphy seemed to bring out a wilder, more carefree side to Raven and Raven tamed him a bit. They had a cute back and forth thing going for them. Clarke couldn’t be happier for her friend.

Murphy pushed their drinks across the island. “Drink up.”

Clarke picked the lime slice off the rim of her cup and bit into it. Although it was sour, it replaced the after taste of the tequila. “So are we meeting everyone there or are they coming here and we’ll take a car?”

“We’re meeting everyone there.” Raven said before abandoning her shot glass and taking a sip from her glass. Her head fell back and she failed at holding back a noise. “This… this is the drink that made me fall in love with you.”

Murphy shook his head slightly with a smirk. “No, I’m pretty sure it was the sex.” Raven let out a laugh and lifted her glass back to her lips. 

“You’re right, it was definitely the sex.” She took a sip of her drink, eyes locked on her boyfriend.

“One hundred percent-”

“-Alright, let’s finish these drinks and call a car so we can actually make it out tonight.” Clarke interrupted. Those two could barely keep their hands off of each other. Without taking a second to think about, she threw back her second double shot and immediately bit into the lime slice. Raven let out cheer and finished her shot as well as Murphy used his phone to call a car to the apartment. The plan for the night was to have a big reunion of everyone they hung out with in college. And she was excited to see everyone: Monty and Jasper, the best plugs on campus that happened to be their neighbors freshman year (a blessing), Octavia, who was originally good friends with Monty and her friend Harper. Most of the people they hung out with back then stayed around Arkadia after graduation. Clarke was the only one to go back to her hometown on the West Coast. 

Raven and Clarke finished their drinks and talked about their plans for the weekend. They would meet up at their old hangout spot tonight, Grounders. It wasn’t the best bar in town but back then, it was the only bar that barely carded and their drinks were cheap. They would have breakfast at their favorite diner in the morning and leave the rest of the weekend up to fate. 

Murphy cleaned up the contents of the island, putting everything back in its place while he let them know the car was two minutes away. They raced to put on their shoes, grabbed their jackets and shuffled out of the door. The three of them piled into the car, Clark last. The car began to pull away when Murphy delivered the worst news of the night.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you. Bellamy’s coming.”

Clarke froze. It was almost enough to clear the tipsy feeling that was taking over her body. Maybe it wasn’t too late to just stay home. She glanced out of the car window and saw the apartment complex shrink in the distance as they turned onto the highway. Raven looked at Murphy. “You’re kidding… Don’t tell me, you told him Clarke was visiting.”

“Hey, don’t give me that look, Reyes. I didn’t tell him anything.” His hands went up, as if to show he was innocent. “He texted earlier and said he’d be out so he might swing by. He’s had it rough these last couple of weeks so I thought it might be nice for him to co-”

“-To come out with us and his ex girlfriend??” Raven cut in. She reached across him and grabbed Clarke’s shoulder. “We don’t have to go to Grounders. We could go to any of the other bars downtown…”

The conversation had faded out after Murphy mentioned Bellamy coming. They hadn’t ended on good terms and the last time they talked wasn’t very pleasant to say the least. But that was two years ago. Enough time had passed that they would be able to put the past behind them and have a good night with their friends, right? Civil. They could be civil. 

“No,” Clarke clasped her hands together and tried to relax into her seat. “It’s fine. Everyone is already waiting for us there. It wouldn’t be fair to have them leave so I can avoid seeing...someone. It’s fine, let’s just go to Grounders.” 

Murphy and Raven exchanged a look while Clarke dug through her purse until she pulled out three shooters. “Ew, is that vodka?” Raven asked.

“I packed them for the plane but ended up sleeping instead,” she handed one to Raven and offered Murphy one but he refused, muttering something about being the sober one tonight. “More for me,” Clarke shrugged. She downed the contents of the first shooter and put the other back in her purse. Raven was right, the liquor didn’t really bite the same way it did an hour ago.

A beat passed between the three of them. “Uh, yeah… I’ll just hold this for you in case you, uh need it.” Raven put the shooter in her purse.

“This should be fun,” Murphy muttered as the car began to approach the bar.

It was still a bit early in the night so there weren’t as many people hanging out outside as she knew there would be later. Raven tipped the driver as they all piled out of the car and made their way into the bar.

It was dark and as they moved between people to get to the back where the booths were, Clarke recognized that smell that was specific to Grounders. It brought back memories of her, Raven and Octavia dancing on the bar before getting kicked out, that one time her and Jasper got the munchies and ordered everything on the menu, and the time Murphy almost got fired for getting into a fight. It was a whirlwind of memories and good times that were overwhelmingly familiar and welcoming. It felt good to be back.

As they approached their booth, Clarke could see Jasper, Octavia and her boyfriend Lincoln were already there. Octavia and Lincoln met in Clarke’s junior year on spring break. It was love at first sight. Thinking about it made her think of Bellamy so she pushed those memories down. Jasper saw them first and leapt up, gathering Clarke in a big hug while Raven and Murphy greeted the other couple and slid into the booth.

“SHE’S BACK!!!” Jasper exclaimed. Clarke laughed as he picked her off the floor and ruffled her hair after he unwrapped his arms from around her. “My profits have dropped immensely since you left town.”

“Ha ha, yeah I bet,” she said sarcastically. “It’s good to see you again, Jasper.”

“Ugh, so stuffy and formal.” He made his way to the bar. “I’m ordering a round!!” He shouted back to them as he walked backwards, slightly bumping into a couple people.

“Hey, Clarke.”

The comment brought Clarke’s attention back to the table. Lincoln greeted her with a hug, telling her he was glad to see her again. She returned his greeting. Octavia stood off to the side. Clarke didn’t know what to expect since she hadn’t spoken to the younger Blake sibling since she went back to the West Coast. 

“Octavia, I um- It’s been so long since I left-”

“-Abruptly. Since you left abruptly.” Octavia was never one to beat around the bush. Straight forward. To the point. Clarke took in a deep breath. 

“Look, I never meant to-” Clarke began.

Octavia put her hand up and pulled her off to the side so they wouldn’t have an audience. “Clarke. What happened between you and my brother is your business and you’ll both have to deal with that whenever you decide,” she took a breath. She was staring directly into Clarke’s eyes, the words flowing out of her mouth like water from a dam. It was obvious she had been preparing this for a while. “But, you weren’t just his girlfriend, Clarke. You were my friend. One of my best friends and you up and left and cut off from any and everything that was Bellamy Blake… including me.”

That hit home. When everything happened two years ago, Clarke packed up what had been five years of her life in a day and ran. She cut off all ties with Bellamy and anyone that would allow any bit of him to seep back into her life… including Octavia. And Octavia was right, they had been close. When Octavia started school at Arkadia, it was Clarke and Raven’s second year and Monty brought her around, having known her through a mutual friend and wanted to make the whole “making friends in college” thing easier for her. And she fit right in. Clarke felt horrible that her friendship with Octavia was a casualty of her fall out with Bellamy. And seeing Octavia openly reveal the pain Clarke had caused her made Clarke feel worse. 

“Octavia, I’m so sorry for how I handled things back then. I was scared and young and stupid and I should have been mature enough to tell you what was happening. Nothing I can say will fix this right now but, I hope one day I can call you my friend again.” The thing about finally coming back to Arkadia was that Clarke knew she would have to have these conversations. She would have to explain herself to those that she hurt and left behind. She knew Octavia still hung out with the majority of her old friends so she had prepared for this conversation. Granted, she expected more yelling and accusing and maybe a thrown punch here or there from Octavia especially, but she knew she had cut her off for no reason other than Bellamy. And it wasn’t fair. 

Octavia gave her a small smile. “Let’s have a good night. I just wanted to talk about it so there would be no awkward tension.”

“I appreciate that,” Clarke responded, smiling back at her.

“I feel like we should hug or something,” Octavia laughed awkwardly leaning in. Clarke let out a laugh and brought her old friend in for a tight hug. “I missed you, man.” Octavia said.

Clarke laughed into her hair. “I missed you, too.”

“Oh, well that is just adorable- enough hugging, ladies! Drinks!” Jasper called them over from the booth he had placed the large tray of drinks on.

Clarke and Octavia made their way back to the booth, sliding in next to Lincoln. Raven was leaning on Murphy, already halfway through another margarita. After getting accepted into a Mechanical Engineering graduate program, Raven barely had any time to go out like they used to, so tonight was her night to unwind. Jasper slid in next to Raven and started catching Clarke on what he’d been up to recently. About half an hour passed before Monty and Harper showed up.

Raven was the first one to notice they were holding hands. “AHm, what’s happening here?!” That sent the whole table into a frenzy of gasps and questions and exclamations. Lincoln rolled his eyes as he slid Murphy a five dollar bill. Octavia yelled, “I knew it!!”

“When exactly did this happen?” Clarke exclaimed.

Monty shrugged, “Ah… last night.” Raven, Murphy and Jasper scooted further into the booth to make room for the two newcomers. Jasper popped a few of the peanuts from the table into his mouth and laughed, “Yeah, last night and then this morning and then a couple of hours ago-”

Harper cleared her throat, “Okay, okay!!” Everyone laughed. 

The best part of Grounders, of course after the cheap drinks, was the booths. The large circular booths allowed for a group their size to sit and communicate comfortably. They fell back easily into their old routine and sitting among her friends drinking and laughing, Clarke felt more at home than she had in a long time. A couple of hours passed and she felt herself relax. Her eyes kept drifting to the doors, waiting to see that all too familiar mop of curly black hair. But as time passed, she figured he probably heard she was here and decided against coming. She tried not to feel disappointed. Clarke could start to feel the effects of the alcohol running through her system as the table went through a few more rounds of drinks. Raven offered to get the next round but Clarke suggested she get it since Raven was hosting her. 

“‘ _ Hosting her,’ _ ” Jasper mocked jokingly. “God, I forgot how fancy rich people are.” Clarke rolled her eyes and made her way to the bar.

The bar had started to fill up to its usual Friday night capacity and it took a bit of maneuvering to make it but she grabbed the bartender's attention and ordered for the table. Clarke scrolled through her email while she waited, just to have something to make herself look busy. After a few moments, the ring of the door opening grabbed her attention. She looked towards the direction of the front of the bar and immediately felt her heart hammering in her chest.

Clarke recognized Miller first. He was holding hands with someone who had to be Jackson. Raven had told her about him. They didn’t seem to notice her as they made their way back to the booth which allowed her to stare openly at the man that followed them closely. The mess of dark curls had grown a bit past his ears, he had to have been working out because he had a more muscular build than she remembered and his face was framed with stubble. He looked good. Really good. Clarke could hear her friends welcome the three men from where she was, but she was in her own world.

This was a bad idea. Why did she think this would be a good idea? Saying they hadn’t ended on good terms was an understatement. She had left. Abruptly, as Octavia had put it. She had left abruptly. Clarke had ignored the dozens of calls, deleted the text thread of unread messages and blocked him on forms of social media. She left him in the past because it would be easier for both of them this way. Easier for him to hate her than the opposite. 

“Hey!” Clarke was brought out of her train of thought to the bartender placing the tray of drinks in front of her. “You want to start a tab?” She nodded and handed him her card. Clarke went to grab the tray and a few of the drinks began to wobble, threatening to fall. She rearranged the drinks by pushing them all towards the middle of the tray so she wouldn’t drop them.

_ Alright, you can do this _ . Clarke thought to herself.  _ Say hi, be cordial, be civil. It’s fine. Everything will be f- _

“An old fashioned.”

Clarke could recognize his deep voice anywhere. No doubt it was Bellamy. And he was standing right next to her so he had to have seen her. But she couldn’t seem to bring her head up from the drinks as she continued to arrange and rearrange them in the center of the tray. A few moments passed and the air between them grew thick with obvious tension. Clarke pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and used her peripheral vision to observe him. He was leaning against the bar on his elbows, denim jacket tight across his shoulders, staring straight ahead. His jaw was locked. This was the worst part. They just had to get past this.

Clarke took in a deep breath and held it in her chest. “Hi.”

Silence. She waited a beat. Then another. And another. Finally, she turned her body so it was facing him and she was looking directly at his face. 

The bartender placed Bellamy’s drink in front of him. He dug into his wallet, pulled out a couple of bills for the bartender and left them on the bar. Bellamy brought his drink to his lips and took a sip before glancing Clarke’s way. His eyebrows went up in an indifferent greeting as he placed his drink on the tray in Clarke’s hands. Bellamy grabbed the tray of drinks and made his way back to the booth.

Ouch. So much for cordial. 

“Fuck,” Clarke huffed. Okay, so this was worse than she thought. Much worse than she thought. But she couldn’t really be surprised. Bellamy had every right to hate her and it was obvious from his lack of response that hate was exactly what he felt for her. Clarke could feel her heart sink in her chest. It was different when she was thousands of miles away on the other side of the country and she didn’t have to face him. She could keep herself occupied by attempting to build a life for herself in San Diego. She could follow in her mother’s footsteps and put the work in to eventually inherit her mother’s medical practice. She could pretend she didn’t miss her group of friends that had become her family over the last five years. She could pretend like what she had done was best for him and therefore, best for her. 

But standing, in a bar next to him… It brought everything back. The late nights in the very bar they were standing in, the days they spent studying in the library, the annual road trips they took to the beach- they all descended on to her in a fog that made her body feel very heavy. Or maybe that was the alcohol finally hitting her. It was naive of her to think that he would be cordial to her after everything. Clarke took a breath and closed her eyes. She could feel her blood pumping past her ears but, she was going to get through tonight because it was… 12:33am. So, that meant there was at most an hour and a half left of the night. 

“You doing alright, Griffin?” Murphy leaned against the bar, facing Clarke.

“I fucked up. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea coming here tonight,” she turned her body towards his. “He hates me.”

Murphy chuckled. “Bellamy could never hate you. He hates what you did.”

“And I fucked that up- I was stupid. So fucking stupid and I ruined everything.” One of her hands rubbed circles into her temple. Yeah, she was definitely drunk now and she was beginning to ramble. “We had something that meant so much to me but it was all just- just so much? I felt like… I don’t know, it was too good to be true?” Clarke had never talked about this before. After leaving, she gave everyone the short version: things didn’t work out between them and she was focusing on herself now. But what really happened was that she got scared. “I got used to him and how well he treated me and I felt like I knew that him leaving was ineb- indevit-”

“Inevitable.” Murphy offered.

“Inevitable, right.” Clarke confirmed. She could hear her words starting to slur together. “I had to leave before another Lexa situation happened or before he realized I couldn’t give him what he wanted…”

“Griffin-”

“And I know I was wrong, okay? I was so wrong and I messed everything up. We will never get back what we had but I don’t want him to hate me even if I deserve it. I just want us to be okay and for everything to be okay and-”

“Clarke,” Murphy interrupted. “He doesn’t hate you. He just… needed some sort of explanation back then and you didn’t give that to him. I didn’t even know him that well back then and I knew he had it bad for you. It had to have been hard on him. Doesn’t mean tonight is the night to have that conversation. Especially you.”

“What do you mean? I feel great.”

“You’ve been slamming drinks and shots all night. Look,” Murphy hesitated. “It sucks to have to see him tonight-”

“No shit”

“-But you had to face him eventually.” Murphy finished.

“I need a drink,” Clarke huffed.

“I promise you, that is the last thing you need right now.” Murphy said dryly.

Clarke took a glance back at the booth. Octavia, Harper and Jasper had gotten up to dance. Raven was deep in discussion with Lincoln and Jackson, probably about the newest Netflix show she was binge watching. Bellamy and Miller were off to the side of the booth and Bellamy’s back was to the bar. Clarke hadn’t prepared for his presence tonight. She was caught off guard and she was now, she had to admit, very drunk. The last thing she wanted to do was say or do something she’d regret. 

“I think I should go home,” Clarke said.

Murphy made a face. “You’re gonna go back to San Diego because of one night-”

“Not California. Just back to the apartment.” Clarke started. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be around him right now. It’s been a pretty good night and we have the rest of the weekend.”

Murphy studied her before he let out a sigh. He dug into his back pocket and pulled out a silver key before he handed it to her.

“Text us once you get back. Just please don’t pass out with the door locked- ” 

Clarke thanked him and grabbed the keys. She worked her way through the crowd and said her goodbyes to everyone, letting them know she would be at breakfast the next morning. The now crowded bar and alcohol coursing through her system was making it too hot for the jacket she was wearing and difficult to do basic functions, like put one foot in front of the other. And yet, for some reason Clarke thought she could do both at the same time. Which caused her to trip over her own feet and fall sideways into the nearest body.

“Shit, sorry!” Her words were coming out in a barely coherent jumble. Her fingers grasped the key in her hands and she continued her way out of the bar. The cold air hit her and she felt like she could breathe fully. Clarke looked down at her phone. It was 12:58am so it shouldn’t be hard to get a car back. Once the bars closed at two that would be another story. Clarke opened the app and hesitated. What was the address for Grounders again? She turned towards the bar and backed up as she searched for the address on the building. Her heel caught on the cobblestone path and she caught herself before she could hit the ground but not before her phone flew from her hand. It landed face down and she  _ knew _ … she knew the screen had shattered. Clarke let out a frustrated huff as she crouched down and reached for her phone. 

“Fuck!” Clarke turned it over and sure enough, the screen had shattered. She used her jacket to brush off the shards of glass. She let out a humorless laugh as she stood, slightly wobbling in her heeled boots. It was official- this night could not get any worse.

“No, don’t worry about it. You can always call...”

Clarke whipped around at the sound of Bellamy’s voice. He was on his phone, pushing past the people hanging outside of the bar. Clarke leaned against the nearest lamp post and attempted to look busy with her phone.

“He’s being an ass but he doesn’t mean that… You’ll definitely have to give him a hard time in the morning for that one...” Bellamy laughed. 

Clarke had missed that sound. When they first met, they did not along at all. Octavia and Monty were their only mutual friends but as Octavia became a part of their group, he was around more. It wasn’t until later that she realized they bumped heads so much in the beginning because of how alike they were. As they accepted each other as acquaintances and eventually friends, he began to be more open with her. Clarke realized that beneath his tough exterior was- someone she grew to love. His laughs were reserved for those closest to him. And hearing again, reminded her that she was no longer one of those people. 

His conversation continued on and Clarke forced herself to block it out. She pressed her finger to her phone trying to access the closed app and a shard of glass pricked her finger. “Don’t know who’s night this is but, it’s definitely not mine,” Clark muttered. She turned toward the bar, located the building number and although it took a couple of tries, she was able to carefully type it into the app.

Ten minutes till pick up. Which was good because Clarke was not feeling good. Who decided to let her mix liquors? Tequila and vodka? The hangover was going to be horrible but she couldn’t think about that right now. She leaned her body against the lamp post and pressed her forehead against the cool metal. Sounds were becoming muddled and she couldn’t keep her eyes closed for too long because it started to feel like she was spinning. 

“You alright, princess?”

Clarke pressed her fingers to her closed eyes. Great, now she was hallucinating. Maybe the vodka shooter had actually been an absinthe. The thought made her chuckle. Could you imagine that? An absinthe shooter. And she knocked it back so easily. Clarke’s chuckle turned into a full belly laugh because who casually drinks absinthe?

“Oh, you’re  _ drunk _ drunk.”

That was definitely not a hallucination. No, that was real. That was Bellamy Blake’s voice seemingly directed at her. Clarke’s hands slid off of her face and as she opened her eyes, sure enough there was Bellamy, hands in his pockets looking at her dubiously.

“Oh, so you’re talking to me now?” Clarke leaned back against the lamp post, righting herself as her heel caught in another cobblestone. 

“Do you need a ride?” Bellamy asked simply. He was so… nonchalant. It was like talking to her for the first time in two years wasn’t affecting him at all. 

“No, I do not need a ride. I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“I feel great. I’m having the time of my life.” Clarke slurred.

“There’s gum on your sleeve.”

“There is not gum on my-” she looked down and there was, in fact, gum on her sleeve. Bellamy had an eyebrow raised.

“I… I put that there.”

He gave her a look. “You- you put the gum on your sleeve?”

“Mhm,” she nodded. 

“Are you sure you wanna go with that?”

“Yup.”

Bellamy nodded slowly before taking his hands out of his pockets. “I’ve got my car around back and Raven’s place is on my way home. I don’t mind driving you-”

“Bellamy, please just stop trying to take care of me.”

There was a pause. “It’s just a ride, Clarke,” he sighed.

Clarke started to reply but her stomach began to churn and the world was starting to spin. She knew what was coming. She pushed off the lamp post and made a full sprint to the nearest trash can. Bracing herself against the rim, she felt the all contents of her stomach empty out. Beyond the sound of her vomiting and the rushing behind her ears, Clarke could hear Bellamy talking to someone and then the sound of a car driving away. She lifted her head and took a few deep breaths before she felt herself heave into the trash can a second time. She heard his footsteps before he approached. 

“The driver would rather not clean up your vomit tonight so he’s canceled the ride,” Bellamy said.

“Oh, no,” Clarke whined into the trash can. From bad to worse seemed to be the trend for the night. Clarke really didn’t want to risk the possibility of puking in an ordered ride and paying upwards of $150. It looked like her only choice was to accept the free ride from her ex boyfriend that hated her. At least the drive to Raven’s was no more than fifteen minutes. Clarke straightened and looked over at Bellamy. He was standing far enough to look detached from the situation but close enough to catch her if she fell. “Does your offer still stand?” Clarke asked.

Bellamy looked over her once and said, “This way.”

They made their way to his car in silence. Clarke swayed slightly, periodically tripping on those damn cobblestones. He opened the door for her and she tried to quiet her mind from thinking of what a kind gesture it was. Bellamy sat in the driver’s seat and started the car. He directed the AC towards her and turned the temperature down to cool air. As they pulled out of the parking lot, Clarke leaned her head against the window.

“Stop being nice to me,” she said quietly.

Silence.

“I know you hate me.” Clarke continued. Silence once again. She glanced over at him, head still against the window, and she could see his fingers tighten around the steering wheel. His jaw was locked again which usually meant he had something to say but was keeping it in. 

“It’s okay to hate me,” she pressed. After a moment she continued, “I hate me, too.”

“Let’s not do this, Clarke.”

“I know I fucked up. I fucked everything up-”

“It’s really fine. Raven’s is down the street from my place. It’s not a big deal…”

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”

Silence followed Clarke’s statement so, she continued. “I… I thought that leaving was best for us. My mom was pressuring me about medical school and her practice and making my dad proud and you were talking about the future and us and I- I choked. I completely panicked. We were- you were my best friend, Bellamy.”

The only sound was the hum of the engine and the tires against the pavement. Clarke didn’t dare look over at him again. The alcohol was making the words fall out of her mouth faster than she could think about what she was saying.

“And I know, I  _ know _ you never would have done what I did. You never would have left and once I was gone and realized what I’d done and how I did it, I felt....so ashamed,” she whispered. “I was so ashamed, I couldn’t bring myself to face you or Octavia...I didn’t talk to Raven for weeks. I thought that if I cut everyone from Arkadia out, it would make my decision easier. That I would feel better about it but, it didn’t.”

Bellamy had turned on the blinker and the tic-tok sound filled the air as she paused.

“I’ve spent the last two years with this constant sinking feeling in my gut and I didn’t reach out because I knew that it was my fault. And I regret everything. I never said I was sorry for walking out on you…” Clarke lifted her head from the window and turned her body towards his. Tears filled her eyes and she could hear her voice break, “I’m so sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you and I know you hate me and regret us and everything that happened between us but you need to know how sorry I am… If I could go back and change everything, I would.”

The car pulled off of the interstate, made a few more turns and pulled into Raven’s apartment complex. Bellamy never took his eyes off of the road. He parked the car and turned off the engine, leaving the car immediately. He circled to her side and opened the door. Clarke unbuckled herself and swung her legs out of the car. She stumbled a bit and he caught her. They made their way up the stairs and to Raven’s apartment. Once they entered, Clarke made her way to the couch. It had been an emotionally draining evening and all she wanted to do was drop on the couch, fall asleep and forget this night ever happened. Bellamy turned the lights of the apartment on and locked the door.

“Maybe you should take a shower first,” he suggested before she could reach the couch. 

It was the first time he’d spoken since the car and sound of his voice almost startled her. Clarke huffed at him and made her way to the bathroom. She started undressing, not really caring if he saw or not. Nothing he hadn’t seen before… or wanted to see now, anyway. She stepped into the shower and began washing her body. At one point, Clarke could hear Bellamy shuffle in and leave. She remembered what she had said in the car. Clarke felt like she should be angry or annoyed that he hadn’t responded but she wasn’t surprised. This was their new normal and she hadn’t had to face it until tonight. 

When she stepped out of the shower, there was a fresh towel, one of Raven’s big T-shirts and sleep shorts. She dried herself off, changed quickly and brushed her teeth, eager to get to bed. 

Clarke began to make her way to the couch but changed her mind last minute. Raven’s bed was big enough for both of them so she snuggled under the covers of the side she assumed was Murphy’s. The door to the bedroom creaked open and Bellamy entered the room, holding a glass of water and two advils.

“Here, take this to ease your hangover.” He handed the glass to her, then the pills. Clarke took them and layed back down. Bellamy reached in his back pocket and pulled out her phone. She must have dropped it somewhere in the apartment once they’d entered. He kneeled next to the bed, to charge it.

“What’d you do? Take a hammer to your phone, princess?” It sounded like he was smiling.

“I don’t even remember what happened.” Clarke slurred. Her eyes were getting heavy. She snuggled deeper into the bed and tucked the covers under her chin. She looked up at him.

“Do you remember the weekend after graduation?” She didn’t wait for his response. “We’d spent the last month of the semester in the library and everyone was so happy to be done. We drove to the beach with everyone and ran into the ocean like one of those cheesy coming of age movies.” Clarke closed her eyes and chuckled softly, remembering the way they felt that weekend. 

It was the only thing that got them through the last couple weeks of the semester. Harper’s parents had a beach house that they rented out during the summer and the end of the semester happened to fall on the weekend before the renter’s moved back. That night, they came back to the house and everyone got trashed, Bellamy most of all which was absolutely hilarious because he was always trying to take care of everyone else. “We went to bed that night so drunk and I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate finally graduating… Your back was turned to me and my cheek was pressed to your skin. I- I could hear you whisper that you thought you loved me…” Clarke could feel the prickle of tears forming behind her closed eyes. “After I left, I would play that night in my head over and over again. I would try to tell myself that you were just drunk but I knew you meant it and I- I wish I would have said it back… then, at least you would have known how much I cared about you.” Clarke opened her eyes, letting the tears roll down her face. 

Bellamy was looking down. She could feel his breath against her face. Finally, he looked at her and the pain on his face winded her. Clarke reached up to put her hand to his cheek and he shied away from her touch. He stood up, straightened his shirt and walked slowly to the door. 

Clarke pushed herself onto her elbows and called out to him. He stopped at the door but didn’t turn around. “If this is the last time you talk to me or the last time I see you and you go the rest of your life regretting ever having something with me or regret choosing me- you became a part of me when we were together and maybe even sometime before that… I’ll spend the rest of my life missing you.”

Bellamy grabbed onto the door handle and turned slightly so he was looking over his shoulder at her. It looked like there were tears in his eyes but, she couldn’t tell because of the way the light from the living room poured into the room.

“I never regretted us, Clarke. After everything… I never regretted calling you mine.”

Bellamy walked through the threshold and closed the door. 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think with a comment :)


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